lizlo-biznach

Cross Post...is that like Cross-Dressing

2012-01-26T06:32:00.000-05:00

There's drama in my life...and the internet is at fault...this time. But a far a way friend sent me this most fantastic video...I assume she assumed that I have a deep longing bucket listed wish to attend the beloved Burning Man...and there could be no better way to sum up life's tangles than with the brilliance of Dr. Seuss. I send you a rainbow of thank you's!

Never Fear when I'm not here i'm Here :)

the magic word is "Peas"

2012-01-12T11:59:00.000-05:00

Funny how the vegetable I was groomed to dislike from conception is now the magic word...Toddlers and their enunciation impediments.

Korvinisms

2012-01-11T09:10:00.000-05:00

Me...Special K, you need to go and do something with that Poooo-fy hair before you leave for school.
K...Mom, my hair looks like syrup...it's gold, rich and thick.

Boys and their hair--Gosh!!

New Year's REVOLUTION...

2012-01-10T07:54:00.000-05:00

The posting of my goals seemed a bit overdone – so while I waslying in bed not sleeping the title of a revolution appeared in my foggy yetcoherent mind. There will be noresolutions here, only a revolt on all the bad habits I have learned to livewith.

First order of business is that I MUST start drinking morewater or my skin will literally begin to fall off…this is true…I am not adoctor… however a lady I know went to one because the skin on her arms wasshriveling up…Severe Dehydration…and apparently studies have concluded that myseveral cups of coffee count as H20 intake but unfortunately the beer still doesnot…damn!

Making Space is next…this is sooo hard since I keepeverything. My biggest claim is scrapsof colored paper and a 1 inch heart with confetti received for my 9^thbirthday (I’m mid 30 ;) from Current…I’m so ashamed.

Yup- this is the heart still with confetti--the paper unfortunately has been destroyed.

Focus. This is moredifficult than making space because eventually stuff gets covered with Mildewor Palmetto Bug Urine…if you live in Florida. My ability to focus on a project lasts………………………….

Haha. Lasts only as long as the next hair-brained ideacrosses my mind –like when I thought it would be great idea to start a Fairy DeliveryService…Yup, dress up like a Fairy and pranced around town bringing goodiesto people…okay…1 people and two kiddos…but the people was a doctor (and still is —but not that onethat said my skin will shrivel up and fall off). p.s. Thank You Diana and Dana Lynn

So we will stick with 3 for now… there are many more…soooomany more...

It’s a REVOLUTION for goodness sake!!

New Year's with green eggs and ham-

2012-01-01T17:07:00.000-05:00

We ended and began our New Year by the fire...and what a sweet fire it was!

Excited about all the prospects this next cycle of 365 days has to offer and super thankful for all the family, friends and moments had in the past. So bottoms up to the future!

Candy Canes and Guns???

2011-12-19T09:31:00.002-05:00

So it's been awhile...tired of using that...I have just been burnt out by life but I'm getting a second wind...maybe it's all the jolly Christmas music I've been annoying everyone with..

And where there is Christmas music there are also candy canes. So I broke down and gave Lil P one to pacify her in the car--oh bad mommy--and a few moments later I hear her little sound effects for gun shots--yes, she has an older brother. Looking back in my mirror I see her shooting me with her makeshift candy cane gun...

...at least she's not addicted to sugar

Korvinisms

2011-10-20T07:52:00.002-04:00

"Don't worry mom, I have extra skinny jeans to keep me warm!"

Korvinisms

2011-10-15T08:18:00.000-04:00

"Hey mom, I finally found something not made in China." Me- oh yeah, where's it from? "It's made in Taiwan!"

All or nothing...

2011-10-14T08:18:00.002-04:00

Putting something in Lil P's hair is about as fun as pulling your nose hairs...but for some reason she had a change of heart...

I'm not a tweaker...

2011-10-05T11:22:00.000-04:00

I have gone and done it...it happened during one of my sleepless nights when I found myself in front of the computer because there's not much else to do at three in the morning. Trying to figure out how to grow up and improve my blog I ended up with a twitter account. Since my pattern of not really having anything important to say has been established I can now do it..quicker and abbreviated. So I am now a tweeter but not a tweaker...go ahead follow me -- I dare you.

@lizlobiznach

http://www.ourspacer.com/graphics/funny/page01/before-after-meth-is-bad.php

If...

2011-10-04T08:30:00.001-04:00

If I had written a dear diary journal blog post yesterday it probably would have looked like this:

Today I emptied the dishwasher

filled it back up

and then emptied it again...

I suppose I should be thankful I have a freakn dishwasher....

Thoughtful Letters...

2011-09-30T14:54:00.001-04:00

my mom gifted me with an incomplete set of foam bath letters...special K thought it would be a great idea to leave a word in the shower after you were done cleaning all your private parts...

this is what he left...I was touched...until he said that he didn't have the right letters for destroy.

If only I could knit...

2011-09-27T09:46:00.000-04:00

I am not sure what the difference is between knitting and crocheting and I would assume that people who do feel the same as folks ethnically categorized by one specific trait...however if i could knit or crochet I would make these...

http://www.etsy.com/shop/SewFunBek

http://www.caraleecasephotography.com/

Holiday wreaths my way...

2011-09-26T05:48:00.000-04:00

After my brief interlude as the Barefoot Florist I got a taste for making a few wreaths..except that I always felt like they were missing something. So one year for Christmas I gave my family members my vision of a holiday wreath...Carla style-- Cheers!

yes..in case you were wondering..those are mini liquor bottles :)

To the mommies...

2011-09-23T16:11:00.000-04:00

In almost four months Lil P will be an official toddlerstanding tall at the proud age of two. For the majority of her life I have spent getting to know a group ofwomen who are remarkable and also mommies…and thanks to an old post we arecalled the Boobs and the Babes. I havespent sporadic moments with them, shared coffee and confessions, had park days,beach days, birthdays and sick days. Ihave ventured out of my comfort zone of being—believe it or not—a recluse and sharedsome really great conversations. I have found wisdom, strength,amazing creativity, simplicity, kindness and some wonderful parenting advicefrom these mommies.

I have had the pleasure of watching these little souls wecreated grow into the future we imagine. It makes me smile…and now we are growing some more as 5 of them areexpecting to add more bouncing bundles to our group. So to all of you—thank you for beingyourselves because you are amazing.

“The end product of child raising is not the child but the parent.”
~ Frank Pittman

This above quote was taken from a lovely blog I follow.. http://bluebirdmama.com/2011/09/worthy/

Naughty, Naughty...Hair

2011-09-15T12:23:00.000-04:00

I had two choices: either lock it up or donate it to Locks of Love.

Change is good..:)

Rachel Ray and Boobs

2011-09-14T09:26:00.001-04:00

Lil P, P Nelly, or sometimes Baby Dragon the Captain ofDestruction has gotten the back to school Funk from her loving brother SpecialK. It is something I accept as part ofthe return to ritual and routine. However, the flow of green snot and croupy cough makes my heart heavy asit is hard to coax a baby to blow out the bad and forward to the moment ofpeace.

So as we concede to the rampart of alien germs, I have beenturning on the Boob Tube…because that is what we do and breastfeeding is whereit’s at. The Boob is my baby’s lifesustenance…I have a whole pile of things to say about this, but for the momentit makes her feel better and makes me feel so good to have a way to help her body through this battle.

The funny part is that while we were lounging around on thecouch Rachel Ray was whipping up some sort of cheesy gooey goodness. Lil P was deeply engrossed and then turned tome with her cute little one syllable voice and said…eat…eat!

TV doesn’t always rot the brain…sometimes it fills thebelly.

Four hours of sleep is good...right?

2011-08-26T06:40:00.000-04:00

So I am going to blame all of everything on the fact that sleep has evaded my life for over two years now. Sure I get some short bursts of REM but I am sure that if this pattern continues it will totally be the end of the world as we know it and I do not feel fine about it one bit.

Furthur down the road!!

2011-07-30T14:07:00.000-04:00

We are going on a family tour down the road...wahoo! The St. Augustine Amphitheater is hosting Furthur tonight and we are all going... Lil P, Special K, Papa Bear, and Me. This will be our first and hopefully not last family concert.
I'm just excited to see the band and feel the vibe of a bunch of crazed folks dancing and singing. I tried to see the Dead years ago and actually held tickets to their show and was not able to get out of work...I know shoulda quit :) but it was a really good job. The next time I tried my luck to score some tickets at the venue, which also happened to be when a crazy out of control situation went down and the O-town police maced 100's of folks. Boy, what a night to remember...not! and again I missed the show.
Then the unfortunate happened and Jerry died just days before my 19th birthday...very sad for so many people who loved and followed him.
A beautiful friend of mine had made me a birthday gift with a little token to the spirit of Jerry and
The Grateful Dead.

She follows me on all my adventures. So now on to make new memories, may they go down in history.

dust bunny monsters-- oh my!

2011-07-18T00:39:00.004-04:00

I have dusted off my blog in hopes of writing again...it was a bit scary!! http://www.neatorama.com/tag/house/

Inspiration from Egypt

2011-02-11T11:19:00.002-05:00

At this moment a friend of mine is witnessing first hand what is going on in Egypt. His recounting of the situation is tremendous, as is his spirit to continue on undertaking the job he was sent there to do.

http://www.news-journalonline.com/news/local/flagler/2011/02/11/flagler-man-in-egypt-sees-trepidation-and-hope.html

http://flaglersurf.com/blog/2011/02/03/flagler-beach-in-egypt/

For myself it reminds me of a time in my life that forever changed me as a human.

My father’s profession is construction… land development to be exact. Dirt and pipe was the description I received when gathering information for “sharing time” in first grade. Not exactly glamorous and I am pretty sure I put a small spin on it…perhaps adding that he constructed buildings instead of just pushing dirt. But for my dad this lifetime occupation provided him opportunities to push dirt on the most foreign of soils. Bidding jobs in Egypt, the country Jordan, Kuwait, and even Macon, Georgia. These global encounters made me identify with leagues of army brats, but instead of tanks my life was occupied with bulldozers.

My vicarious experiences to these foreign lands were secured in the pockets of his abused nondescript blue suitcases. He would come home after being abroad weeks, sometimes months with trinkets he collected and modified PG versions of the adventures he had while there. These were very exciting moments in my life but they treaded in the shallows compared to the deep water experience that was surging below.

It was the summer before my ninth Leo birthday that I was informed we would be transferred. After being uprooted several times already and attending my third school district, I was completely devastated. Parting with my house that fostered every creative whim a child could manage and a neighborhood teeming with youth, babbling creek forest paths, and community swimming pool situated across the street, I felt sure there would be a void in my life similar to having dessert removed eternally from my diet.
To soften the blow I received a lavish present of a Sony walkman which was permanently borrowed by the folks hired to pack up our house, they were apparently unaware of how precious this gift was to me. Our abode was rented for the term of one year, diffusing the feeling of permanence and the last week before departure we called Howard Johnson’s home.

Next…A mile high but not in the club…

pictures say a thousand words...

2011-02-03T11:34:00.000-05:00

Typing in the Sun gives you Wrinkles...

2011-02-01T10:42:00.003-05:00

Today I am going to tell on myself and give away all the dirty secrets I have been harboring inside…and I am going to do this because it’s warm, the sun is out, and I can hear the ocean in the background…make sense.

I am a terrible housekeeper! If pappa bear was an overbearing, controlling mate he would have fired me. My worst offense is that I don’t finish anything that I start… except for a beer…and I am starting to drive my self crazy. But today I realized that it’s all because of the cold weather. It makes me fat and keeps me from getting menial tasks done that need to be performed over and over and over…. However today is amazingly beautiful if you live in my neighborhood, and I feel like it’s all going to be different. Wish me luck, otherwise I might need to come sleep on your couch for a bit…

Korvinisms

2011-01-28T14:48:00.003-05:00

it's been a while since i had a clever korvinism and then it landed right in my hands...

putting the spice in "T"

2011-01-26T17:32:00.006-05:00

my awesome friend, madame snail, just gave me a great tip to spice up green tea...when you pour your boiling water over the bags add
some slivers of ginger. i luckily had a bag of candied ginger--cause i'm a sugar freak--and it was delicious...bottoms up:)

Panty Parade

2011-01-26T11:05:00.003-05:00

i can say that Lil P is growing up fast...and already wearing big girl underwear...mine:)

cruising around the house this morning as i was getting ready, i noticed she had raided the hamper and added an accessory to her outfit.

she is quite proud of her additional layer and not parting with it easily...i'm so lucky she enjoys dressing herself so soon.

idea #10569

2011-01-25T09:55:00.004-05:00

i never feel comfortable unless there's a million things going on in my life...apparently i enjoy chaos.

perhaps my vision of peace behind the white picket fence, laundry dancing upon the balmy breezes drenched in syrupy perfumes, rolling perfect left handed barrels in the corner of my eye vibrating the coffee grounded earth warming my naked feet, birds in the distance mating with their songs, billowy clouds migrating through indigo skies, and no cares or worries wrinkling my brow. perhaps then my peace will come when i have achieved and conquered my present dreams...

for now i just can't help but think there needs to be more sparkly fairies running around giving presents...

come take a look..:)

deep thoughts...

2011-01-22T04:29:00.006-05:00

apparently when i complain about not sleeping, the following night the baby will have no problems getting through the night and i will be up at 3 am...this is one of those such nights.
however it is in these quiet dark moments that i have sparks of brilliance like:

what my epitaph should read when i die...

here lies .... she was better at giving directions than following them

sweet dreams...

Happy Day of Your Birth...

2011-01-12T15:45:00.007-05:00

LiL P is One today...Hooray

to see what i was doing one year ago go here :)

and cheers to all of you for being part of our journey!!

God made dirt...

2011-01-12T15:08:00.006-05:00

I am not a cold weather person...that is why i live in Florida

I may have to move...

For a moment there was some warmth and lil p and i took off our shoes to celebrate...she got a little too excited...

New Years Inspirations

2011-01-10T13:53:00.004-05:00

Artist: Beth Garren

i had big intentions of starting my new year with changes and then...nothing happened. so i have quieted my mind for just a moment and realized that for the new year my resolution is to be Inspired.

that's all...no pressure...just breathe and live inside inspiring moments. and it feels good.

to start my journey i visited my friends awesome place, Hollingsworth Gallery.

There is an artist featured there for the month and her work is beautiful. I will credit her paintings for jump starting my journey. Thank you Beth Garren..I wish you the best of success.

Korvinisms

2010-11-03T15:44:00.004-04:00

me- "hey special k are you making any new friends in your class?"

special k- "yeah, i've made a couple and the rest of them are souls just floating around."

post halloween...after the sugar

2010-11-03T15:07:00.004-04:00

-- lil p is asleep and special k is off at school and now it is me time...

it sounds so calgon-esque, especially if you recite it in a whispery voice, but the reality is that my to-do list is ever looming with not a line crossed on it... and that is okay-i guess.

to begin, Halloween my most favorite-ist dress up holiday was fantastic. i am quite proud of my idea for lil p's costume. she was a dirt devil--yes, like the vacuum--which is completely appropriate since she picks up and eats every little thing that can possibly gag and choke her. special K morphed into something that involved capes, blood, face paint, fangs, light sabers, and any other special effect he could hold while climbing in and out of trees. pappa bear was an all-black rugby player and for me i recycled an old idea of Pippi Longstocking's long lost cousin "hippy no stockings."

as for special k's return to school...well, it has been a somewhat easy transition in terms of his first week only being 3 days and one of them including a Halloween party. there have been a few sad-faced, puppy dog eyes made when it comes time to get homework finished, but for the most part i think he is adjusting well.

and now that the sugar rush is dying down we are gearing up for my next two favorite holidays. just put it on the list i say :) cheers

Halloweenie time...

2010-10-29T13:17:00.006-04:00

I have never really needed a reason to dress up and act like a silly child but it sure is nice to have an excuse...even if it's only once a year...or unless it falls on a Sunday :)

Have a safe and Happy Halloween :)

The White Flag of Surrender

2010-10-24T06:02:00.004-04:00

photo from The Rag Blog

At first I am feeling like I should roll myself up in this large white flag and go hide somewhere, but then the natives would start calling out for me over and over and over…mom..mom..mom…moooommmm! The gift of motherhood is beautiful except when you are loosing your marbles.

The truth is that I have registered Special K back into the school from whence he came, and the crowd goes wild. It was just too much. I tried and could have tried even harder but there was a point in the day when we both realized that things should just not continue on…it was probably when I banished him to his room forever…

And so our homeschool adventure has ended with a termination letter…followed by re-enrollment.

I hope that when we look back on this moment in time we can laugh and say how crazy I am sometimes when I try to take on everything, as if I have a secret cape stashed in the back pocket of my corduroys. At least I know when I hear the whispers that I should just turn up the music a little louder…for now anyways.

treeforts and sleepovers...oh my

2010-10-12T06:14:00.004-04:00

we are prepping ourselves for a little Carolina adventure complete with bonfire, righteous tunes, and perhaps a swig or two of moonshine. it's good to visit your dearly loved family now and again. in order to mark off things from the to-do list we needed to set up our tent to make sure it still stands--it does--and special K took advantage with a couple close pals to make sure it could withstand some serious pillow throw-down as well.

afterwards i encouraged them to spare the pillows from anymore bodily harm and to instead put their boundless energy towards building a proper tree fort suitable for young boys. there is definitely room for improvement however the beginnings of a club was formed accompanied by a dress code...

buttons and ladybugs

2010-10-05T23:30:00.004-04:00

i recently added a button to my blog for ladybug pet-sitter... this lady loves animals and will love yours if you need her too. the name of her business was inspired by her sister in law who passed away from cystic fibrosis...whom they called ladybug.

years later she and her her family were at the animal shelter when they came upon a Beagle mix named ladybug...the affection was instant and the business was set in motion. Angie will travel anywhere in flagler county to help assist in your pet needs and will consider arrangements outside the county limits if necessary. I wish her the best and am glad there are people out there like her...cheers!

i'm a sucker for leg warmers...

2010-10-05T22:58:00.009-04:00

since the weather has cooled down to the 80's we are all searching for warmer wear...and yes that is the truth...and yes three of us are real floridians...

you see to keep us from going into debt to the power monopoly i nominated myself as czar of the thermostat and keep it at a regulated temperature of 81 during the day and perhaps a cool 79 in the night during the summer. we also call it preparing for the day when the power goes out longer than seems comfortable or for when we move to our tropical destination--but anyway.

now we need extra protection...in the form of starry cuteness!! they are almost a reason to have a baby :)

but let me not leave out special k's hot glitter mess. he purchased the costume from a neighborhood garage sale with money he had earned...and later confided that he totally did it for the pants...which he then wore for several days.

and while i am on the subject of cute...i recently attended a very cool first birthday party from lil p's baby gang. the theme was elvis and the star of the show was shimmering in his authentically bedazzled party outfit. the hosts even made poodle skirts for all the ladies--and party favors of records adorned with their pictures (an idea worth stealing :)

so it's been good times-cheers

dear magic fairy...i have a list

2010-09-28T06:54:00.003-04:00

I have been avoiding writing for some time now because of so many reasons...

1. I am tired...i tell myself that it is okay...i am okay with being tired and waking up through the night..after night..after night. I know that it will be a memory one day and I will thank myself for the sacrifice...but right now I am still tired.
2. I am hesitating...there are so many ideas streaming through my brain that I find it hard to focus and I am realizing that maybe I am afraid of failing and that is what keeps me from trying just a few of them...but I am going too...and soon.
3. Homeschooling is not easy...This one is set apart all on its very own. I have so many emotions and doubts and wonders...
4. I am disorganized. I am trying very hard to get myself together.
I manage to get up in the morning and put food in all of our bellies-even if this means I have to go to publix 5 times a week--i try to make lists but I leave them everywhere...

SO in the end it is clear that I need a magic fairy assistant who works for starbursts candy and has powerful magic fairy dust that makes me simultaneously rested and organized all the while giving special K an amazing ability to learn and sit still for brief periods of the day and while I am asking also keeps lil p from putting everything into her mouth. and a helper for pappa bear...who will also works for starburts. thanks

mommy day out

2010-09-20T13:13:00.001-04:00

the babies are growing up and the mommies sleep deprivation has not effected their good spirits. i have suffered misfortune of not being in their warm and embracing company due to life and its circumstances, but we did manage to slip into our favorite little coffee spot for some laughs and tears. several were missing and hopefully we fill every corner and crevice next time with our motherhood blunders and accomplishments. my heart goes out to you beautiful babes and your kiddos too...cheers and dreams of a lovely nights sleep :)

homeschooling on a monday...

2010-09-13T17:35:00.004-04:00

grrrrrr... that is the sound of my teeth gnashing together to keep bad words from trampolining off my tongue...

we did accomplish a few things...

you may call it bribery...we call it the treasure box...

oh yeah, and for myself, a potty-mouth jar...

a lesson in homeschooling...

2010-09-10T06:04:00.004-04:00

well, we are two weeks in and here are some things that i have learned:

a stopwatch is very useful in getting a certain person to complete a certain skill that you know they are capable of doing...especially since they did 20 of them the day before.

...patience...

i am no longer feeling like i am naked in public when we are on an outing in the middle of the day

learning is fun

there is an abundance of support and amazing amount of activities available in this area

did i mention patience? :)

**********************************************************

some pretty cool stuff we have done so far:

science exp. on how well kitchen tools work as massage tools

family tree (in the works)

researched and constructed slingshot from things around the house

oh and some of that math and reading stuff too...

A homeschool Story...

2010-09-01T06:20:00.001-04:00

I find that most people want to know why I have withdrawn my child from school. Perhaps he was unruly and I spared him from being expelled or condemned to the naughty corner outfitted with the gnome like cap, maybe he was having a hard time learning English and couldn't communicate properly because his tongue is too large, conceivably his underpants may have stated “kick me” and his britches too big from malnourishment and getting picked on and lunch money stolen, or it could be that he is a loner without the capacity or need for human connection, but actually it is because I love him and want to spend more quality time with him. I find that we humans are amazing at filling up the day and wasting seconds with minutes of things needing to be accomplished. Children are no different with itineraries more scheduled than professional folks bringing in six figured paychecks. I refuse to only be the sergeant in his life running off the continuous list of orders and objectives. Couple that with the fact he is a part of the broken home society in which his father gets to swim in the pool of Sunday Funday while I am left with early nights to bed and making sure his teeth are scrubbed.

Korvinisms

2010-08-31T13:50:00.005-04:00

during our checker game korvin had an ephiphany...

so mom, if i was just made a king then i order you to give up.

A homeschool Story...

2010-08-25T05:59:00.006-04:00

Adventure in Homeschooling

Well, I listened to the voices in my head and actually took the plunge and withdrew Special K from school. They were whispers at first starting back to when he was a baby, telling me that I should keep him close to me. It seems that quite a few moms’ I know hear those same whispers but for many reasons cannot afford the same situation or realize that it just won’t work. For me it had become chatter with the occasional announcement from an ominous deep voiced human or a cackle from a loudspeaker offering the blue light special deals going on in isle 13. No matter where I turned it was coming up highlighted with flashing lights and I figured I should just send in the letter, so I did...

********************

**********************

(this could quite possibly be turned into something that looks like a book so stay tuned :)

Korvinisms

2010-08-14T15:39:00.003-04:00

me, lil p and three boys ages 7,8,&8 were on a walk. there was a discussion of who was stronger/ tougher women or men. the older boys were wise to know that women are just as strong and to make the point clear korvin stated, "my grandma is an old lady and she got stung by a wasp and didn't even cry cause she's tough."

for the record..his grandma is not an old lady but she is tough :)

chocolate..in any form

2010-08-13T17:25:00.004-04:00

i just ate three bowls of chocolate lucky charms cereal by sticking my tongue into the bowl...i have issues and am apparently addicted to sugar...

feelin the love...

2010-08-12T06:27:00.004-04:00

yesterday was the day of my birth...i believe my first big gasps of air happened around 10 in the am but really that's all relative unless of course you are composing my very accurate zodiac chart. i'd rather celebrate the whole day or maybe a week and perhaps the month if i can get away with it but i'll settle for a great day hands down. as i seem to get older the expectations of a super-duper surprise party with cannons blowing out confetti and elephants parading around with girls covered in sequins fade and my longing for some good food and family company emerge to the forefront of my birthday wishes...but this year i have also found myself feeling the need to re-connect with the so many people who had a hand in the organization of my molecules. I want to thank them for their presence in my life and assisting me on the journey I have decided for myself. I am grateful to know all of you and truly love you in my heart and promise to always try and see you with open eyes unless of course the sun's shining in them..XO

Korvinisms

2010-08-05T19:11:00.004-04:00

korvin said today "me and penelope are the bs monkeys" ya know the the brother/ sister monkeys...

coming clean

2010-08-03T22:35:00.004-04:00

so it seems yet again my attempt at cloth diapering has been challenged. i am coming to the end of my diaper supply and decided for the second time that i was all in and going to cloth it. so of course that glorious appetite of my beautiful squeezy baby for crazy amounts of fruit has rewarded me with the most poopy diapers in one day ever to date...

determined to not back down, i stepped up to this challenge of tushy protection and hand washed them. yup..good times...but hey, at least the diaper pail is clean now too.

ouch!

2010-08-02T12:47:00.002-04:00

penelope has found her teeth...the end!

milestones

2010-07-30T09:08:00.003-04:00

i almost feel as if the moment someone inquires about my child's routine or habits there is large switch in the sky that immediately gets flicked off. for example: "so mommy...how often and long are baby's naps??" mommy replies, "ohhhh,,, she has a wonderfully long afternoon nap..like 2 hours" ---switch!!--- nap..whats that?? she flutters her eyes for 20 mins...aahhh!!

but then there are the other cases when i happen to read something and poof...next thing i know there's the teeth. the other day it was "at 6 months your cute baby will be playing with their mouths and start blowing raspberries".. well, she's trying anyway :)

whoops

2010-07-28T18:34:00.004-04:00

the summertime sun really does a number on my locks...so my big idea was to douse them with conditioner and then wrap em up in a towel...it was the same towel i had just used on lil p moments before and didn't notice until three hours later that she had peed on it. darn!

2010-07-26T10:33:00.004-04:00

I have good news and bad news...the good news is that my Island Times blog is growing up and moved to http://www.flaglersurf.com/ :)

the bad news is not so bad..it's just that now I am faced with a dream possibly coming true and it's scary. silly i am, but if you only heard how much i talk about all the stuff "ima gonna do" and now i may actually have to step up and take care of business...Well

it all comes to back to the dreaming class i took a few months back...Mondo Beyondo. preparing me to have all these life altering moments, encouraging me to take flying leaps, inspiring me for the only change i have any control over. it's exciting and frightening at the same time and i haveto say i really do love it!

i wear many hats

2010-07-24T08:11:00.003-04:00

we did it! we sent in the letter yesterday to withdraw the kiddo from school and it feels pretty good.

i admit some of the days, hours, minutes i feel like i went out in the backyard, dug a giant hole,removed my brain, put it in a box, locked it, swallowed the key, ate a bunch of cheese, and then covered up the box with giant pieces of broken sidewalk.

but its going to be great.

you've been mommy-ized

2010-07-21T10:33:00.006-04:00

Back when I was walking circles in the carpet raising my first youngin, I came up with a greeting card company called Noodle Bloom. I have always been fascinated with greeting cards, though I have difficulty getting them addressed and into the mailbox.

I first came up with cards for folks who had just endured plastic surgery--i called them the Enhanced Series.

The next obvious subject to tackle was motherhood.

front / inside

Need I say anymore :)

blessingway..

2010-07-19T14:49:00.005-04:00

just a day ago i attended my first blessingway. a ceremony stemming from Navajo tradition, it's a circle of women joined together to provide strength and wisdom for a loved one who is entering the journey of birth.

there were tokens and symbols collected to honor the mother and the natural world around her. flowers and greens were delicately woven throughout her chair and a wreath mended with sea glass, driftwood and feathers claimed space among the ringlets of hair spiraling about her head. the sororal doula massaged her tired feet with meal and blessed them with lavender. Sage was burned, the smoke cloaking us with peace and protection, as a prayer was spoken leading to the creation of a birthing necklace. we selected beads to symbolize empowering thoughts of a safe birth and represent our own children, as tears of appreciation ran for this magnificent lady.

we closed the circle with this chant:

I'm sorry I don't know the origin

We've all come to welcome you

To welcome you to Earth

We've all come to welcome you

To celebrate your birth

And we are here to love you

We are here to love you

To love you on this Earth

it was inspiring to be surrounded by such strong women but it was also overwhelming. i felt young and naieve and prattled rather than conversed. my fingers trembled while trying to string the beads and there was a tremor in my voice as i had to coax my words. upon bidding my farewells and appreciations i got into my car and exhaled. looking into my own eyes i realised that i am still on a journey to find my strengths and i also discovered that i had a large piece of spinach in my teeth.

it's a party..

2010-06-29T13:09:00.002-04:00

......and everyone is totally invited!

i refer to him as the un-official mayor of flagler beach, he calls me one of his future x-wives. barry "the tourist" can barely understand him and he's taken money honestly from almost everyone i know.

it's a get down for rusty's 50 something birthday and he would love for you all to join him. the party is happening up top, the tallest deck in town, around 8 o'clock. there might be some dollar specials but there will definitely be some good times, probably not remembered by everyone. so don't be square--come get your groove on with Old Haw Creek and have yourself a good ole time...peace

what happended to peace and love..

2010-06-28T10:59:00.004-04:00

i have been watching the world cup like so many others mainly because barry loves sports. the fact it's being held in south africa also carries a heavy detail because that's where barry is from. the soccer has been great, the refereeing seriously questionable, but the spirit is amazing even with the horns buzzing. it feels great to cheer for our team but i have no qualms about rooting for the underdog or high fiving a killer play, after all it is a game.

which brings me to people in general. it is understandable to seek out like minds for companionship or to find your tribe for general survival. it's when these groups of humans turn their positive identities into shields of negative energy that i just become so confused. there is nothing wrong with being proud of your life, heritage, land space, community but when you feel that it is necessary to condemn those around you, you make for a very itchy and uncomfortable place to rest. and it is simply not nice. so if you have any belief in karma perhaps that energy could be better spent cleaning up our environment instead of trashing it with your ugly thoughts.

on a positive note this song is really great :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBD9h0jUq3w

changing again..

2010-06-22T09:56:00.002-04:00

this was given to me about 15 years ago and i treasure it..

Korvinisms

2010-06-18T10:21:00.006-04:00

still on vacation.... korvin's grandma had the kids painting birdhouses. when asked what will he be painting, korvin replied a dead bird. "but don't worry," he said "i will also write this is only a painting."

Korvinisms

2010-06-14T08:46:00.002-04:00

korvin is away on vacation and said he would call when he quit having fun...

Korvinisms

2010-06-12T12:58:00.003-04:00

korvin stated the other day...when i grow, up i'm gonna be a hobo... lovely..

summer session partI

2010-06-10T23:18:00.006-04:00

korvin has left the building... his mimi nancy came and flew him and his cousin away to new mexico for a two week break from his mother and mundane routine of cleaning his room. this is his second visit out west but the the longest time we have been separated in over two years. i am sure that i am feeling the pain ever more so than he. in fact he hopped right in the vehicle without even saying good-bye and groaned as though he been trampled while running with bulls when i asked him to get a photo.

the cool part is that nancy aka.. school teacher extraordinaire.. armed the kiddos with cameras and journals to document their journeys. there will be no lying around this camp session as there are chickens to tend and cherries to be picked. i am looking forward to knowing the boy that returns from this adventure. until then his sister will be focused on growing so she can surprise him when he returns.

dance baby dance...

2010-06-08T09:28:00.004-04:00

you know the saying.."can't carry a tune in a bucket." well that is me and i've tried buckets, wheelbarrows, bathtubs..nothing really works. i believe i'm also lacking rythmn. i've been told i look like elaine when i dance but it doesn't stop me from shaking to the groove. these inadequacies fuel my desire to get my children musical. i don't force the tunes, i just encourage the notes. my son is revealing his tastes for classic rockers like ACDC and Alice Cooper, as he played School's Out over and over. But it's music that makes the world go round and can also make you smile..real big!

wait it out til korvin gets back on the scene...

Penelope says

2010-06-07T12:29:00.002-04:00

Oh really...

no drive..no text

2010-06-05T08:42:00.003-04:00

so the other day i was watching tv and saw that Oprah had gotten a famous racecar driver to sign her no texting contract. i turned to barry and stated that i too will no longer text while i operate a vehicle and then barry reminded me that i don't drive.

moving

2010-06-03T13:32:00.005-04:00

you know the saying..biting off more than you can chew...well right now i feel as though i bit into a giant piece of t-rex's thigh and i don't eat meat. aaaagghh! actually i do eat meat, just not very often and i have no idea where to get a hold of a t-rex thigh but as for the feeling of chewing til the point of TMJ -- that's where I am at!

it's totally my fault--i brought it upon myself and should know better than try to move every large piece of furniture in the whole house. might i mention that i also have two flights of stairs and if there weren't specific outlets for items such as fridge or dryer they may have gotten in on the whole joke. and that is why i have been missing or hiding. on the positive side, when i am finished with this overhaul i feel a sense of complete organization heading my way. which is a good thing because i see so many fireworks on the horizon.

summer time

2010-06-02T23:57:00.000-04:00

Im glad it is here and I don't mind that my rear is sweaty most of the days...

natural medicine..

2010-05-24T14:01:00.002-04:00

This last week was a long one and so a day at the beach was much needed!! I mean how can you not enjoy a baby in a bucket and do you see the umbrella..it might really be older than me--

Curses on their bogo's

2010-05-18T14:29:00.004-04:00

Do you ever have the day when you walk into the grocery store and everything you need is on sale. It's like they organised their coupon flyer just for you--total kismet! And then the cashier hands you your receipt and tells you how much money was just saved. And then in your mind you immediately can justify all the purchases you didn't really need but just wanted. And then you come home and realise that you didn't even use to buy ice cream and now look at ya!

I am really serious..

2010-05-18T11:10:00.006-04:00

The words seemed to have escaped...Soo I will just tell you what is currently on my mind. Homeschooling... There I said it..and it continues to whisper over and over in my ear. I have thought about this before and now it is visiting me again and I am hesitant.

I know that when Korvin is dancing around the room and bouncing off the walls and wearing long johns in the summer and baggies in the winter and forcing me to repeat myself one billion million times that I just want to run away and hide. So why am I considering spending eight more hours a day corralling an almost eight year old boy?? I am not sure but I just have this urge to take on the feat and give it a try. I have lost my marbles-- but perhaps I will finally learn how to write.

Korvinisms

2010-05-14T12:26:00.003-04:00

one afternoon in the car Korvin asked, "so mom, how would you feel if for your birthday Mimi got you a job?" .............is he trying to tell me something.........

good times at the garden...

2010-05-12T09:16:00.008-04:00

..........Thursday evening has become garden night. We pile in the truck armed with our bug spray and cooler, headin out towards the sunset. Our little seedlings are blossoming before our eyes as we witness food appear almost by magic. It is awesome!

..........I feel fortunate that I can share this experience with my kids even though my son is more like an indentured servant than willing participant. He does well when given a task and knows that his riding privileges depend on it. The only time things get hot is when water is involved. I mentioned before that we have a well to utilize for watering. Well, this well is pulling water from at least 20 feet under ground. This requires your blood, sweat, tears, and sometimes a few choice words. It also provides the basis for many a conversation about how important it is to conserve water.... ie: not letting the shower run while you finish the end of your very important tv show!!! (which is why we are getting rid of cable..another story)

But it is a great time and creates same good family bonding--So now we are deciding upon the name of our little dirt pile and have come to an agreement of.....The Family Plot...followed by "food you die for." -- i did'nt say we weren't crazy --

for mothers' day i got...

2010-05-11T12:14:00.004-04:00

........a tooth?? well i can't be certain that what is going on with penelope over the last couple days is dental but it is driving me mental...sorry i couldn't help that one.

the poor thing is snotty with a cough and little bit of diarrhea. --gross-- i know i didn't need to mention that part, but really i did because it was in the last 3-4 days that i was committing myself to the use of cloth diapers. i do believe i am being tested--or punished.

aside from the lack of naps my mother's day rocked. the day before barry blessed with me with flowering plants and cards from everyone in the family. on the actual day of the mother, we went and adopted 30,000 bees to be placed at the farm--freakin nuts!! pictures later.. then korvin presented me with packets of glorious seeds to further embellish my new garden of flowers and ended with a dinner to celebrate the mimis and great mimis.

cheers to all the mommas!!

But prior to our cold like symptoms, we did manage a moment in paradise.

shout out to my flower people

2010-05-06T11:51:00.006-04:00

for the people who don't know me, my mom and i used to own Barefoot Florist. for the people who do know me, we closed the store almost one year ago. i am very much okay with that decision especially since right at this moment millions of florists are working their a$$e$ off !!

.....................................this message is for them -- you freakin go!!!

when my mother and i absently mindedly decided to purchase a flower shop, we as so many others thought how much fun it would be. we like so many others were wrong. this industry has got to be one the most difficult jobs i could have ever imagined. unless of course you have the ability to read people's minds and the future. i would love to give you the rundown of how difficult the people who are supposed to be on your side (wire services) make the florist's job. but really i just want to say that if you order flowers please call a flower shop directly. if you don't have anything specific in mind...let the designer make the decision. arrangements can't always "look like the picture" especially when you have to do a million of them and the flowers you are working with have more frequent flyer miles than the president.

so be kind to your florist..bring them a drink (something with a bite perhaps) and a snack when you come to make your purchase. they have probably been standing in the same spot for many, many hours and (if they are like me) savagely assulting their digits. and please by all means order as early as possible...the smell of fear is never pretty when one has forgotten their wonderful, beautiful mother. happy almost mother's day...hint hint!

up up and away...

2010-04-30T08:30:00.002-04:00

today we are getting ready for our 2 nite away camping extravaganza. we've got a merry group to dine by firelight with and more warm bodies to sacrifice to the skeeters. i am aspiring to the ranks of professional camper... i think we are getting close. our biggest conquer being the happy yellow school bus tricked out Nascar style. perhaps it will put us under the radar with the highway patrol, little do they know there are pirates aboard.

this will be penelope's third big adventure. the first--well it's been called a miracle by most. the second was a quick trip up the road for an overnight stay and now here we are getting ready for take-off. packing everything but the kitchen sink...really. some purists may say we bring too much but i say comfort is key and this my kind folks is vacation. take me out into the woods with no reminders of laundry or dishes and i am "a happy camper." peace

Oh my Ginger!!

2010-04-27T09:02:00.004-04:00

The ginger made me do it.

It's been something I have wanted to tackle for months now, the cooking with an actual ginger root. I have even gone so far as purchasing on two seperate occasions this ginger, only to let it shrivel up in a slow painful demise on the counter. The look of ginger reminds me of a drawing Dr. Seuss might have conjured up or perhaps something that I felt was protruding from my epidermus before a very important date. As I peeled it back and chopped it to bits, I took a couple nice tastes. It's pungent flavor seems like it could defend itself against very bad things looming in a persons body. I actully looked it up and found the word volatile being associated with it. That being said I probably added a small bouncy ball sized piece to my boiling pot of goodness. Whoops!!

It seems as though ginger should be used in very limited quantities or the reaction of eating cinnamon without the sugar may result. Perhaps they should add warning lables :)

korvinisms

2010-04-22T05:52:00.005-04:00

my son korvin once asked, "mommy, so if you want to have another baby do you need to find another man?"

The Boobs and the Babes

2010-04-22T05:06:00.007-04:00

We are the stroller ladies, the mamma folk, the boobs and the babes...

This beautiful group of women are one of my newest tribes. Bringing our youngins together for a little group therapy, our Pterodactyls in training. Weekly we gather to see the progress of our efforts to raise confident, amazing children. Sipping coffee or tea we witness the first acts of socialization in our little ones journey's while learning through our failures and successes. We provide encouragement and support for each other as we create our own unique parenting style. A safe place where we can be ourselves and mothers at the same time.

I will look back one day and value this group of kindred spirits in ways more than I can understand now. For it truly does require "a village to raise a child" and I am so lucky to be of this village. So when you see us, our gang of femininty, smile for we are raising the future.

Good Morning I am Being Honest..

2010-04-22T04:25:00.004-04:00

I am admiting things to myself these days. This does not come easy to someone who has known everything since they were fourteen years of age--quoted by my father on many occasions. I am admitting that I want to be a blogger?? That sounds so funny to me- especially since it is a little after 4 am and I've been up for at least 20 minutes already.
I wanted to be up early, I should have specified the time more clear.

It's this quiet darkness that I can have my own time to reflect and not feel that I should be doing other things. Right now I can be honest and say that I want to succeed in my writing. I want to be able to write well enough that people enjoy what I have to say and then come back for more and then maybe even tell their friends. I would like to feel that I don't have to check the "how many visits to your site button" everyday and then think back to how many times it was myself looking at my own site. I would like to trust myself not to give up or get discouraged and know that "if you do it long enough you will be good at it in time." I need to have faith in myself to not let the people who inspire me also discourage me because I'm feeling insecure. I need to understand that it's okay no matter how it lands but that perhaps it will be acceptable if I twitch my nose, say a few choice words, blink, and have you all writing me letters telling me how wonderful I am on hundred dollar bills.

flagler county fair fun

2010-04-19T07:17:00.004-04:00

there was no fear at the Flagler fair during our family affair... until the ferris wheel...

2010-04-16T07:21:00.005-04:00

"just keep swimming... just keeep swimming" Finding Nemo.

i hear this going through my head a lot lately... and metaphorically picturing myself bouncing off the pretty little jellyfish...and the jellyfish are my problems and my head is woozy and i'm falling asleep. mom, mom, mom,---ha, no i'm not!

things have been pretty busy here the last few days. of course it's because of the moon or maybe because i have found a spark and set myself on fire with inspiration. just trying to not be overwhelmed, which is why i am sitting here in the dark. peace :)

so a couple days ago my super-human son Korvin was actually verbalizing jealous feelings over his new sister. the "you pay more attention to her than me" came out of his mouth. instinctively i assumed he was trying to get away with some certain shenanigans and not appreciating the fact that he was talking about his emotions instead of bullying the dog. korvin would never actually harm any nouns, but he is clever.

after he left for school and i was alone to feel my failures as an all-knowing parent who misplaced their manual, i called my sister. i asked her to bring the movie Labyrinth so that mending this sibling debacle could begin and i figured David Bowie and the fear of goblins taking your sister would do the trick. i was also advised to let Korvin talk about his feelings without any interruptions...

i think we are over another hump in the series of bumpy roads.

hot glue mamma

2010-04-13T18:01:00.006-04:00

like other mommy blogs there is an endless amount of subject matter to write about when it comes to your children...mine is no different. at the present moment he has a project which has become our project. i have two different feelings when it comes to the correct way of handling our project. i want him to do most of the work of course and try very hard to keep my opinions and fabulous ideas to myself. getting him to do this work is almost as painful however as me just doing it myself and trying to pass it off to his teacher as his creation.

but that is not really what this is about. in the midst of "our project" another one was started. and since i am making a conscious effort to be more crafty with him i agreed wholeheartedly. our mission: to find his recorder's casing. if we fail i offered to make him one... this of course prompted a whining fit stating thats not how it came..but we managed to get through it with minimal causalties and the process began.

why this is ridiculous is because i have two sewing machines...my mother can sew like an amazing grace..and yet i still turn to hot glue..

I have to say that he did pick out the fabric :)

2010-04-09T22:46:00.002-04:00

it's a garden party!! we have only just begun but the motivation for some fresh veggies has kept the fire lit under our fannies.. if only you could just snap your fingers :)

learning is fun..

2010-04-09T22:24:00.004-04:00

i must keep up the momentum.. before the last few weeks i had been so green to the world of blogging. i could barely figure out how to find blogs that interested me and then too complicate things further started my own. i'm still really intimidated by what i have found but also completely inspired.

and so i'll just keep plugging along and maybe i'll finally start to follow the advice i tell my son--"son..don't worry, you just started learning how to do..... and in 10 years you'll be great at it!"

it's too bad that i have to aquire more wrinkles in order for my blogging to improve:)

Epiphany

2010-04-06T08:53:00.009-04:00

It's time to get naked!!

No, I don't mean that I am taking all my clothes off although it seems with a 11 week old I spend more time barley dressed than otherwise. I'm referring to my hesitation of writing about myself and my heart.

When I began this finger exercise, I figured I could put little facts and pictures about my children and silly family moments all the while hiding behind them as the bashful puppeteer. When truly I want to write about me and my feelings and my silly family moments. But as they say in the county, "I was skeered!" However I am experiencing a break-through. Getting over my insecurities that no one will ever read my blog so therefore I must protect myself with a disguise because surely if someone does by accident find it and read it then they will probably want to pull all my fingernails out.

And it's because I signed up for this class...

Mondo Beyondo...MONdoooo BBBBeeYonndOOO...just say it... now say it again slowly :)

I like saying the words over and over like I am giving my tongue a massage. Rolling it around my lips making all sorts of facial wrinkles that I will later drown in cream. But back to my moment, my AH-HA, my I walked into a door and am seeing patchy white blotches blinking and flashing. Mondo Beyondo is my dream. For those of you who don't understand what sort of new language I seem to have taken up, Mondo Beyondo is a class about dreaming. Dreaming is dreamy folks!! It is wonderful to dream and know that dreams really do come true, as they say in the land of the oversized Rodent: which also happens to be where I was born :)

And so I realize by just writing these words that my biggest dream of all mother dreams is to have support, inspiration, love, motivation, and acceptance. These awesome qualities I have found and continue to find in this amazing uncovered treasure of women and men :) A group of people that I happened upon and know only by a thumbprint sized photo and typed words. An experience that is changing my life at this moment and forever. And for this I am thankful!

For the ones' far away...

2010-03-03T09:19:00.002-05:00

I heart VW's

2010-03-03T09:05:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago we took Penelope on her first real outing that wasn't to Publix. The VW folks were parading their awesome vehicles around the Daytona area for all to see and envy. We ventured to Port Orange where they rested in the tree filled park full of spectators and had ourselves a lovely moment or two.

2010-02-16T09:30:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was Penelope's 1 month Birthday!! We celebrated with a walk to the beach followed by an impromptu photo session in the sand. There is nothing better than a special moment with people you love...

2010-02-13T10:59:00.003-05:00

Not to long ago the weather broke into a friendly embrace. Penelope got her first taste of life celebrated around the fire pit. I think she enjoyed it and so did the dogs. Life can be simple and good...

2010-01-26T15:30:00.006-05:00

Our Birth Story
Imagine it being 9:30 in the morning. I’m slumped on the couch in front of the television, wearing my uniform of oversized stretchable clothes and tacky dollar store slippers. Suddenly there are twinges going on in my belly. Nothing fancy but unlike all the other mornings I have spent in this position. And then before I realize I am compelled to pencil down the time 9:55. The next time I wrote was 10:05, then 10:13, then 10:17. Okay, this feels like some kind of strange period cramping hiccup but obviously I’m not expecting my period. 10:21, 10:26, 10:29, this is not my imagination I am going to have a baby…finally!! And to think I had woken this morning full of disappointment when I had not been disturbed by some crazy contraction madness. But it was happening so now what do I do??

The moment was coming every few minutes lasting only a few seconds. The moment I had been waiting for, for the last few weeks. The surprise that was making me itch with anticipation and questioning how could I stand this for another day. This waiting has been the hardest part of the whole pregnancy. The moment that I had jokingly said was going to happen every several days for any given reason: snow, a birthday, cause it’s Tuesday, cause I said so. The moment seemed to arrive and I wasn’t even expecting it, not at that moment anyway.

Just a few days before January 15th at 9:55 am I had a conversation with my midwife, Kerri. We discussed what the next step would be if baby continued to be all warm and snuggly in my belly. It would include trips to the hospital for different kinds of tests to make sure everything was still okee-dokee and I was just not digging that. But as these moments of bearable pain kept calling on me, I knew that the worry of what if was not on my list of things to do today.

So what did I do?? Well first I called my mom and told her that she would need to maybe rethink her lunch plans in St. Augustine cause today I was actually, really going to have a baby. Then I called soon to be dad. I informed Barry that he would be attending a birth today and he replied that it would be great if I could do it at 5:30—6:00 pm. I laughed and said sure. Next I called my sister Celena and told her she was right about the baby waiting for the warmer weather. Excitedly she ran through her to do list and asked if 1:00 would be okay to arrive. I responded with a probably not and maybe as soon as possible. Then I called Kerri and told her that today was the day. She asked me about my contractions and said I needed to start drinking mass fluids and to call her back around 1:00, or sooner if needed. I then called Barry back and told him I needed two large bottles of yellow Gatorade. I called my other sister Ciji and my father. I then packed an upstairs bag since I would be somewhat confined to the second level of the house for the next few days, went outside to play with my dog, and made a phone call to my accountant.

It was about noon when Celena and Wil arrived. The contractions were increasing in their intensity and staying very much in the every three to five minute range. We started to fill up the tub when Barry came in with my essential liquids. He looked at my sister with a very confused countenance. I told him again that the baby was coming and to prove it we actually were filling up the tub. The look on his face was priceless!! He thought I had been joking or just wishing maybe. Suddenly his casual demeanor tensed up as he stammered out, “Do I have 40 minutes?? I have to go back to work but I’ll be right back!!” I wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t taken me seriously and told him to hurry.

My contractions were lasting a smooth 30-45 seconds when I called Kerri back. She said she would be here in about an hour and that sounded good to me. That next hour was spent filling up the tub, chit-chat and some good moaning. By 2:00 things were getting exciting and I no longer cared for conversation. I was distracting myself with music and finding a comfortable position to wait out the pain. At precisely 2:34, which I know for sure because Wil was keeping track of my contractions on their iPhone by recording them. So yes at 2:34 my water broke as I was bent over on the stairs. Can you say freaked out!!! I started hollering somethings coming out!! I’m having a baby!! Where is Kerri?? I want to get in the tub!!

What do I do?? Yes, I believe I lost my composure there for a moment. Barry, who had been rubbing my back for me, urged me to get in the tub. Funny part is that we made it really, really warm so it actually needed to be cooled down before I got in. So there I am naked with one foot in the tub, one foot out, moaning through a contraction it’s too hot, it’s too hot!! Kerri arrived and started setting up. My sister was busy finding all the ice possible and Barry had grabbed the hose. Finally I was in. The water definitely made me feel calmer but the pain was just crazy. The cool part is that it only lasts for a moment and then I was delegating my music selections out. I only cussed once through ordeal saying, “This Shit hurts!! It was a moment I recalled from the night before of a videoed hypnotic birth in which the women never even made a sound. Can you say Bollocks!!!!!!

I did find myself thinking could I really do this? Then I realized it was almost over. I called out, “So this is what Johnny Cash was singing about—The Ring Of Fire!!!” And her head was out. Another push—the easier one—and she was laying on my belly looking at me in the calmest manner. She barely made a peep. I looked at Kerri and asked her if the baby was okay?? She said she was fine, just really mellow. It was beautiful and it was 2:54 pm. 7lbs 13oz, 20 inches long, and amazing. The rest of the evening was serene. She ate right away and barely left my arms. I couldn’t believe I had a girl. Her new big brother Korvin came home an hour later with no idea what awaited before him. My family celebrated her arrival with smiles and tears and wishes. What a beautiful and unexpected day it turned out to be.

The last really funny detail of this story is when after giving birth your uterus begins to contract back to its normal size. This is quite painful even after popping a human out of your vagina. So Kerri tells me that Tylenol is okay to take to help with the discomfort. As the pain seems to increase and my enthusiasm diminishes, I breakdown and long for just a couple of these pain reliever fever reducers. My father looks me in the eye and says No. Carrying on about, “I wanted to have this birth naturally why now take something.” Well if I could describe what I felt with a color it would be red. The amusing part is that nobody had any Tylenol and when Barry left to find some he discovered that all the Tylenol, probably in the world was being recalled. So when he visited three different stores they were actually pulling it off their shelves. Talk about some Voodoo!! But it all worked out and now I get to spend all my waking and sleeping moments with this wonderful new person. I am so very lucky :)

>>>>>>if you dare :)!!
This is an audio file of the last contraction..just crazy!! it'll open with your itunes account--cheers!http://www.supload.com/sound_confirm.php?get=1135024088.m4a

Come on Baby...

2010-01-11T13:11:00.006-05:00

So today is the actual documented due date. I have tried to order the baby several times before now but obviously there were some communication difficulties. Maybe it was our freaky snowcapades.

My midwife Kerri had asked Barry --that's my baby's daddy-- to illustrate her a picture of what he might see if there was a window to the inside of my belly. He was a bit hesitant to embark suddenly upon an artistic assignment. Feeling his pressure I figured we could make it a family affair. So after dinner one evening I got out our supplies and here's how it went down.

Korvin's picture rocks!! He even put some food in my belly for the baby to eat :)

Barry's picture was equally as awesome especially when he started to just really enjoy creating it.
So in between fistfulls of animal crackers and ice chips I am resigned to just let it be-- after this next set of squats and stair steps. And from what I have heard no baby has ever stayed in--so i'll just have to continue to viualize the tube ride. And boy will I be happy when I get to recount the whole experience...in detail :) Cheers to everyone--wish us luck :)

this is my future!!

2009-12-20T11:40:00.000-05:00

I cannot believe i forgot to include this little bit of my life. My seven year old child, whom I love, tried to bamboozle me. He did it thursday with the ever so dramatic "my stomach hurts" bit. Which after the Thanksgiving belly drama I really didn't put up too much of a fight and let him stay home. He was required to stay in bed all day. But Friday he tried again to get out of school sighting it was voluntary. Conversation raging from bullys, homeschool options, car-rider dropofff and the ever looming threat of military school complete with oatmeal for breakfast everyday took the entire morning. It wasn't til after he left that Barry told me that it was written in his planner that school was voluntary. And then I looked...

The crossed out part says" you do not have to go to school." he's a tricky little one :)

2009-12-20T11:20:00.000-05:00

Life is either a great adventure or nothing." ~Hellen Keller

I just read this quote on another blog and it urged me to get busy. Right now everything just seems to be a struggle for me and i am fighting an eternal battle within myself. I realise that there is so much more going on and so when i find the ability to forgive myself i do. It still does not make it any easier when i know that i am also a procrastinator and closet lazy person.. I'm working on it.

But for now I am just adjusting. Meaning my pants, deepness of my breath, legs, shoulders, back, and my head. Trying to wrap my mind around what is coming. There is a baby on the way!! Tomorrow is 37 weeks and full term in the eyes of people I've not met who make the rules. The excitement is a strong undercurrent through all our household conversations. I feel prepared in that I am ready to have this child. I am so excited to meet this new person! Barry asks me if i am visualizing the experience--which i am not really except that i have these fancy glimpses of tears of accomplishment. I just tell myself that I can do this of course!!

As my mid-wife has said, "no baby has ever stayed in." And I am looking foward to re-counting the experience. Whatever it may hold..goodness, total goodness.

Until that moment though i am trying to not eat every cookie in the house. I am thankful that the leg cramps have subsided, and the itching, and am okay with wanting to chew ice all day. I have gone over the journey here and there in my mind. How lucky I am to have the started the year with my own business and ending the year with a completely different life path and being okay with it all. I learned from a friend to light candles. So now in every room there can be a delicous scent that greets you. I was smart and plugged my christmas tree lights into an outlet that can be turned on from the wall so most every moment it is sparkling. I am playing music all day and realise now that i need to dance more. Excuse me for this broad range of sub-conscious writing it is feeling good to me. Life is amazing--and to my aunt gail--thanks for the panty liners--i love you always.

cookie parties and monsters

2009-12-14T12:37:00.000-05:00

joining the ranks with millions of gals from all over i too attended a cookie party with all the celebrated sprinkles of suger goodness complete with tasty food and drink. this year i really tried to win but alas my cookies did not seem to dazzle the judges taste buds as i would have liked. perhaps i should have let my son help me more...because his cookies are just the coolest.

conrad...alien??

2009-12-12T14:58:00.001-05:00

my dog conrad is not a space alien impersonator...he had an ear hematoma--a huge pillow sized one. he is not dealing with this very well. it is hard to be a decent junk-yard dog when you keep running into everything...

But that is why medication can be a good thing... poor puppy dog :(

2009-12-01T10:57:00.000-05:00

So the clock is ticking and the baby will be here soon and i am thankful because the holidays are going to take over my life so that i am not sitting around waiting for a moment that is sure to arrive but completely a mystery as to when it will get here. breath...

This last week was the Thanksgiving holiday in which my family made our way to the hills of Carolina to enjoy each other. There was another occasion being held, in which we celebrated the life of my Auntie G. who blessed us with an amazing presence but now visits us in spirit only. My sister recieved such a gift when she was in the trees looking for sparkling evidence of mother nature reminscent of our Aunt. All the photos taken discovered this purple light that hung just above her head. Love... It will follow her and everyone else that holds Aunt Gail in their heart and that's what makes it easier to accept.

But my holiday didn't quite unfold like I had anticipated. My experience brought not the emotional rollercoastal my siblings and family endured but instead another trip down mommy lane. It started at the beginning of our journey with a stomach ache. My son began to writhe in pain as the close confines of the back seat became increasingly uncomfortable. Short bursts of crying emerged like the frustrating patterns of holiday traffic. The stress of being helpless and the wavering patience of trying to figure out our way in the night became almost too much, but we made it. The next day unfolded quite nice with only a supressesd appetite as evidence of the discomfort from the evening before. Dangling from trees it seemed as though it would be business as usual. So not the case. I soon was beseiged with conversations of constipation, fiber, liquid intake, Diverticulitis, hospital threats, enemas, laxatives, and the possibility of my first application of a suppository. I felt as though my purple light was replaced with the sad faced puffy-cheeked rain cloud.

There were however moments of zen when the snooze button was pushed...

And authentic good times were being had. I just realised that what I wanted to be thankful for was unfolding in a different manner. I almost think I was looking foward to being upset. Very weird I know but it's honestly what I felt was missing. Because instead of commiserating with loved ones on our loss I was stuffing my face while trying to figure out how to unclogg my son's bowels.

In the end it did all work out..thank goodness. I did get to see family although I said good-bye to almost no one--sorry. I am a certified suppository giver member. I am struggling with feelings of being constantly postitve when sometimes I really just want to be sad. I am realizing the true gifts I have recieved from my Aunt Gail's life. I am truly thankful and know that it doesn't take a turkey to make me understand what my life is about.

a shower of blessings...

2009-11-16T08:51:00.000-05:00

I recieved a most wonderful baby shower given to me by my sisters and friends. First, the amount of food we tend to have at our parties is just delicious. Geometrically shaped cheeses, stringy melted cheese, oozing baked cheese w/ raspberries, did I say cheese and then there are the dips with crackers and tiny toasts that you can also cover with the cheese. Ohh yumm!

Next is the generosity of people that encourages me to beome a better person. Had I not been just a tad nervous from sitting in the center of the room with eyes on me I might have actually shed a tear. However the apparence of baby things really brings out alot of ohhhhhhhs and aweeeees. Little things are so freaken cute!! And the cool part, which was my friend jenn's idea- the hostest with the mostest- was that all the gifts were to be second hand. Baby stuff is so rarely used to its fullest capacity. And to make the whole thing even better I also recieved several coupons for hot meals after the baby arrives. You can just call me lucky.

And I forgot to mention the cakes--did I already use the word delicious!!! I am pretty sure this baby loves sweets. Last I got to bring home all these wonderful gifts and show first timer dad. The amazement on his face was priceless. Even after he tried to eat the cake topper.

oh the balance of life..

2009-11-12T15:43:00.000-05:00

This one is going to take most the day because the words I frame it with are so very important. My Aunt Gail slipped away this morning at the quiet hour of three am. And now she is free...

Her captor was cancer and like so many others the end means no longer would agony and suffering have to be endured. It is now the people who love her that are left with the pain. Her wish however is that under no circumstances would there be any formal kind of service, instead she requested a party. This I know is why I love her and am part of her because I too have stated it to be my desire as well. Except that costumes will also be required.
And so it is that a gathering of Gail admirers will commence in their barefeet and celebrate the life that has now become bigger. In the background The Doors will serenade us as we retell the stories that now seem to be so significant. I am sure she will be surprised to find out there are so many. For myself it is as small as a dinner in which I realised that I preferred adamently canned green beans to her freshly picked ones. Or perhaps it's the bull whip she revealed on one of our reunion adventures in which that certain bull whip was also demonstrated quite authoritatively in the small kitchen. It could be her tremendous laugh that always made you smile or the fact she could belch louder than any human I have ever encountered. I admit selfishly that I will miss her yearly Christmas ornament and will relish in the fairies that she bestowed upon me. The opportunity to feel blessed by her presence alleviates the sadness.
So to say that you have to live every day as though it could be your last is becoming almost redundant. The many times I have heard it uttered almost brings me to a cringe but I can't help but think that we haven't gotten it yet. Loving your neighbor, friend, foe and family and living each day the best you can - really is the most important thing you can do because we are only here for just a little while.