Tuesday, December 1, 2009

So the clock is ticking and the baby will be here soon and i am thankful because the holidays are going to take over my life so that i am not sitting around waiting for a moment that is sure to arrive but completely a mystery as to when it will get here.  breath... 
This last week was the Thanksgiving holiday in which my family made our way to the hills of Carolina to enjoy each other.  There was another occasion being held, in which we celebrated the life of my Auntie G. who blessed us with an amazing presence but now visits us in spirit only.  My sister recieved such a gift when she was in the trees looking for sparkling evidence of mother nature reminscent of our Aunt.  All the photos taken discovered this purple light that hung just above her head.  Love...  It will follow her and everyone else that holds Aunt Gail in their heart and that's what makes it easier to accept.

But my holiday didn't quite unfold like I had anticipated.  My experience brought not the emotional rollercoastal my siblings and family endured but instead another trip down mommy lane.  It started  at the beginning of our journey with a stomach ache. My son began to writhe in pain as the close confines of the back seat became increasingly uncomfortable.  Short bursts of crying emerged like the frustrating patterns of holiday traffic.  The stress of being helpless and the wavering patience of trying to figure out our way in the night became almost too much, but we made it.  The next day unfolded quite nice with only a supressesd appetite as evidence of the discomfort from the evening before.  Dangling from trees it seemed as though it would be business as usual.  So not the case.  I soon was beseiged with conversations of constipation, fiber, liquid intake, Diverticulitis, hospital threats, enemas, laxatives, and the possibility of my first application of a suppository.  I felt as though my purple light was replaced with the sad faced puffy-cheeked rain cloud. 

There were however moments of zen when the snooze button was pushed...

And authentic good times were being had.   I just realised that what I wanted to be thankful for was  unfolding in a different manner.  I almost think I was looking foward to being upset.  Very weird I know but it's honestly what I felt was missing.   Because instead of commiserating with loved ones on our loss I was stuffing my face while trying to figure out how to unclogg my son's bowels. 
In the end it did all work out..thank goodness.  I did get to see family although I said good-bye to almost no one--sorry.  I am a certified suppository giver member.  I am struggling with feelings of being constantly postitve when sometimes I really just want to be sad.  I am realizing the true gifts I have recieved from my Aunt Gail's life.  I am truly thankful and know that it doesn't take a turkey to make me understand what my life is about. 

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